


Priorities

by Jorque



Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki Hatake Kakashi, Comedy, Crack, Hokage Uchiha Obito, Jinchuuriki Hatake Kakashi, Juukashi - Freeform, Kakashi's got a crush, M/M, Missing-Nin Hatake Kakashi, Role Reversal, Sasuke the security manager extraordinaire, and the juubi is interfering with his ability to process feelings properly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jorque/pseuds/Jorque
Summary: Kakashi's got a crush, a juubi, and the inability to properly deal with feelings when a demon sealed inside is messing with his head.Obito's got a Hokage hat, a very enthusiastic ex-teammate/stalker, and problems with attempted kidnapping.Tenzo's got a crazy boss and a massive headache.Based on Sloaners'/beetlebee's wonderful Juukashi AU. Go check their stuff out!
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito
Comments: 8
Kudos: 218





	Priorities

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beetlebee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetlebee/gifts).



> Based on Sloaners'/beetlebee's Juukashi AU. Go check their stuff out!
> 
> Background for those who don't follow Sloaners. Role reversal, Kakashi's the juubi jinchuriki and left a while ago cause he wants to fix the shinobi world and Tenzo the loyal kohai with pent up anger about ROOT follows to help him. The juubi also messes with it's host's brain and kind of makes them more base. If you appreciate amazing and innovative (read; crack) AUs, be sure to follow Sloaners on tumblr, and read their stories on AO3 under beetlebee. They're very good!

“The problem of the Akatsuki has only grown worse in recent months. The capture of the jinchuuriki was already enough to have them branded an international terrorist organization, but now they have launched assassinations on several key figures in Iwa and Kiri. Suna has also reported interference by the Akatsuki in several of their recent missions, and Kumo…”

Obito nodded along gravely, hoping that it wasn’t too apparent that the Rokudaime was tuning out everything his advisors were saying. It wasn’t that Obito didn’t _care_ about his village, not at all. And he knew that the threat posed by the Akatsuki was a genuine one. It was just that this particular issue gave him such a _headache_ everytime it came up (which was unfortunately becoming more and more often), and he had dinner with his team tonight, and he really wanted to be able to enjoy it, and… _ugh_.

Not for the first time, Obito wondered what had gone wrong that his old teammate and best friend had seen it necessary to become a missing-nin. And Bakashi didn’t even have the decency to disappear, like most missing-nin. No, the genius had to go and start an organization and declare war on the world and Obito’s sanity. No, Bakashi was always causing _problems_.

Realizing he was now in a downer mood anyway, Obito figured that he might as well begin to pay attention to what people were actually saying to him.

“...getting bolder. As such, it would be wise to-”

In a shower of glass, a stained window on the opposite side of the conference room imploded, and Obito’s very pleased-looking ex-teammate strolled in through the opening. “Obito! Thinking about me?”

Obito blinked, and flared his chakra in an evacuation code. _Think of the devil_. “Kakashi,” Obito greeted cautiously, rising and drawing his sword from where it hung on his hip as his Anbu ushered the other members of the council out of the room. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Kakashi grinned under his mask “What, I can’t come to see my favorite Hokage every once and awhile? It’s not like this is the first time I’ve come to see you since I left the village.”

Obito gave him a dry look, while discreetly motioning his Anbu to secure the area. “No, but it’s the first time you infiltrated the village to do so. And caused property damage in the process.”

Kakashi waved a hand dismissively. “Maa, I’ll send a check. I brought you something!”

Kakashi slowly reached into his vest, giving Obito plenty of time to react, and pulled out a scroll, which he similarly slowly unsealed. Obito kept his sword raised as the puff of smoke dissipated, revealing… a basket of cookies.

Kakashi gave a little eye smile. “They’re lemon meringue. You’re favorite!” Obito blinked. He lowered his sword a little as he looked around him suspiciously. Kakashi’s smile wavered a little. “You still like lemon, right?”

Obito ignored him. “Is this a distraction, or something? Are your one of your friends sneaking around in the rafters to stab me in the back?”

Kakashi looked aghast at the suggestion “Wha-? I would never! Obito, how could you think that? I just wanted to bring you something nice!” Almost faster than Obito could react, Kakashi flickered to Obito and hugged him. “I want to make you happy.”

Obito startled, and kicked his rival away. “Bakashi! What is wrong with you? And since when are you that fast?” Because Kakashi was always faster than Obito, but he had never been able to completely blitz Obito like that before. Obito wearily settled into a battle position, activating his sharingan. He would apparently need it just to react to Kakashi, let alone fight him off. Although, now that he could see Kakashi’s chakra, something was very wrong. And it wasn’t just the henge.

Obito paused, and with no small amount of trepidation asked. “Kakashi, what _are_ you?” He mumbled a _kai!_ , _and_ Kakashi's normal appearance rippled and washed away. In his place was a blue scaled creature, winged, with black orbs floating behind him like some sort of halo, but still somehow recognizably his old friend.

Kakashi gestured at himself. “You like it? I got myself an upgrade!” Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Although, the transformation seems to have altered something in my brain chemistry. Tenzo has noted some, uh, changes, in my personality. I think I can feel some of them, too. I feel a lot more... enthusiastic, would be a good word.” He brightened again. “Nothing to worry about, though. I have Orochimaru looking into it. I should be able to reverse that particular effect in a few months. But for now, I wanted to see you! Maybe see if you changed your mind about joining us?”

Obito could sense his students on their way. Obito had never been able to beat his rival in single combat, but the combined might of Team 7 had proved to be more than a match for Kakashi in the past. “Okay, breezing past the fact that you’re now an eldritch abomination, I’m still going to have to say no to your offer.”

“Come on, Obito. It’s not like we’re killing on mass. We’re just purging the corruption out of a broken system, as opposed to, say, the Shinobi system itself, which does kill indiscriminately and on a massive scale. You can’t honestly say you think you’re defending a just cause.”

“I know that Kakashi, and I don’t like the system either. But now I’m in a position to make real change. Besides, who are you to play judge, jury, and executioner? You can’t appoint yourse-”

“You’d be with me,” Kakashi interjected.

Obito was startled silent for a moment. “...What?”

Kakashi just fluttered his eyelashes, a jarringly un-Kakashi action. “We almost had something, you know. Before I left. We could revive that.”

Obito felt a flush rise in his cheeks. “I think that your personality’s more than _a little_ altered. Also, seriously, what did you do to yourself?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Maa, don’t worry about it. All you need to worry your pretty little face about, Hokage-sama…” another flicker had Kakashi draping himself over Obito’s shoulder, and the Rokudaime flickered at the touch, “is that I’m taking you with me. Now, whether- _ngh!_ ”

Kakashi grunted as one of Sakura’s super-powered punches launched him across the room, sending him through the plaster of the far wall. Naruto and Sasuke landed in front of Obito in defensive positions, while Sakura lifted a glowing hand, a worried frown on her face. “Sensei, are you alright?”

Obito waved her off. “I’m fine, Sakura. He was just…” it occurred to Obito that his students didn’t know anything about his past almost-relationship with Kakashi, and he would like to _keep_ it that way, _thank you!_ “...He didn’t hurt me.”

Kakashi picked himself back up from the rubble, rolling his neck but otherwise looking no worse for the wear. “Ow. That wasn’t very nice.”

Obito’s three students looked at his old teammate in various states of disgust and horror. “Sensei,” Naruto spoke up, “what did he do to himself?!”

“I don’t know. We hadn’t quite gotten to that part yet.” He ignored Naruto’s incredulous look and Sakura’s muttered _what else could have been a higher priority?_

A shadow dropped down from the rafters, landing silently behind Kakashi. “Senpai…”

Kakashi looked down morosely at where his cookies lay covered in dust and plaster. “I’m coming, Tenzo. I can tell when I’m not wanted.”

A henge rippled into place around Kakashi once again, returning him to a normal human once again. “I’ll be back,” Kakashi promised. He smiled at Obito, but an ominous gleam entered his eyes as he glared at Obito’s three students. “And you can’t stop me.” With a hand sign, Kakashi vanished into thin air.

Tenzo sighed, and placed his face in his hand. “Always with the theatrics…” he muttered, before vanishing as well.

All was silent for a moment as the four Konoha nin made sure that the threat really was gone. A minute later, Sasuke, apparently satisfied, cautiously spoke up. “I’m thinking we need to increase security.”

Obito dazedly nodded to his student and Anbu commander. “I’m thinking you’re right.”

  
  
  


_Kakashi_ , Obito reflected as he barely avoided another lunge from his rival, _really was a stubborn bastard_. “Would you knock it off with the kidnapping attempts, Bakashi? What is your problem?”

He couldn’t get close to Kakashi. While Obito’s taijutsu was certainly jounin level, it wasn’t S-rank like Kakashi’s, as he had a tendency to rely on Kamui in close-quarters scenarios. Something that was useless when his opponent happened to have Obito’s other eye shoved in his face.

He sent a fireball at Kakashi, who substituted with one of Naruto’s clones to avoid it. “Never, Obi-chan!” Kakashi shouted back. “I’m going to make you mine!”

“And quit calling me Obi-chan! It’s weird!”

Sasuke dropped from the rafters above where Kakashi stood, sword poised to cleave the last Hatake in two, only to be slammed aside by a pillar of wood sprouting from the hand of one of Obito’s thought-to-be unconscious Anbu scattered around the _same damn conference room he was in the last three times Kakashi tried to kidnap him_.

Kakashi turned to the now-standing Anbu member. “Maa, you went through all the effort of secretly infiltrating and replacing one of Obi-chan’s guards before I arrived, only to blow your cover for _that_?”

Tenzo's muffled voice replied from under the mask as he carefully avoided all of Sakura’s super-powered punches being thrown at him. “You had a sword shooting for your head at 200 kilometers per hour. I think that’s something worth revealing myself for.”

Kakashi’s clone _tsk_ ed as it was obliterated by a rasenshuriken. “You say that as though it would have been able to pierce my skin,” the real Kakashi finished from where he appeared behind Sasuke, chidori in palm. The desk the Uchiha replaced with exploded into mulch as Kaashi’s lightning wreathed fist punched through it.

“Then what am I here fighting an S-rank nin for?” Tenzo snapped in a rare display of annoyance. He almost caught a doton from Sakura for his trouble.

Kakashi kicked Naruto into Obito, sending them both flying into the wall before flickering over to force Sakura off of Tenzo. “You’re here because I figured I’d be polite and formally invite you to come along since I knew you would sneak after me anyway, regardless of whether or not I ordered you to stay away.”

Sasuke, momentarily left without an opponent, pressed a hand against a spot in the wall. Glowing seals glowed and lit the room in a bright light. At the rising thrum of chakra in the air, Kakashi’s eyes widened minutely. “Okay, time to go.”

As he and Tenzo disappeared through one of the (many) holes in the walls of the Hokage tower, Sasuke looked at Obito, a manic look in his wide eyes. “ _More security_.”

  
  
  


_Kakashi_ , Obito reflected once again, only two weeks later, _really, really was an unreasonably stubborn bastard_.

“Senpai, this is getting out of hand.” At least Tenzo agreed with him.

Kakashi hummed idly as he casually leaned out of the way of one of Naruto’s thrashing tails. “Perhaps.” He ducked one of Sakura’s punches, kicked her into Sasuke, flipped Naruto over his shoulder into Obito, and did an almost lazy backflip to avoid A’s lightning-enhanced punch. Obito thought it was unfair how stunningly elegant the bastard looked even while obviously playing with them.

“ _Senpai_ ,” Tenzo stressed, exasperated. “This is a _Kage Summit_ . Why are we doing this _here?_ ” He had raised himself on a wooden platform far above the fighting, content in knowing that he was outmatched and resigned to watch the show below.

Sasuke was hanging back with Sakura in front of Obito, guarding Kakashi’s target. Obito could hear Sasuke angrily muttering something about “…what could be more secure than a Kami-damned _Kage Summit…”_

“Listen to the man, Hatake,” Mei hissed as she directed another current of acidic steam at her opponent. “You’re not making it out of this alive if you continue.”

“Hatake-san,” Gaara asked politely, at the same time that he sent out a wave of sand with the full intent of killing the man he was addressing, “Why are you so intent on capturing the Hokage, anyway? You haven’t expressed an interest in any of the other kages. Is it perhaps a grudge? Do you wish for a second sharingan?”

Obito felt his cheeks turn red, and it wasn’t just from the heat of the flames coming out of his mouth. Kakashi hummed, coating himself in lightning chakra to destroy the sand around him and simply ignoring Mei’s boil release and Obito fire washing over him.

“I don’t know, actually. Some side effect of becoming the juubi jinchuuriki.” Kakashi let his henge fade, briefly revealing his monstrous true appearance, before reapplying it. Gasps could be heard around the room at the reveal, both at Kakashi’s appearance and the reason for it. He ignored them. The kage had all already known or figured, anyway, and their guards were insignificant. “I didn’t plan to do this here, you know! I had a different reason for coming.” Onoki evaporated the lightning clone with a blast of light. Kakashi flickered behind the Tsuchikage to axe kick him out of the sky before substituting with an ink-bomb as the Raikage attempted to impale the man on his arm. It didn’t do any damage, but certainly made the man even angrier than he already was.

Obito activated kamui just in time to phase through Kakashi’s grip before launching a devastating kick that the man barely dodged. As his students pressed his old teammate, who was somehow still managing to avoid everything seemingly effortlessly, Obito couldn’t help but let some exasperation into his voice. “Then why won’t you just knock it off, Kakashi? Leave me alone!”

“I can’t!” It was as close to wail as Obito had ever heard him. That is to say, Kakashi only slightly raised his voice, but still. “I’ve managed to correct ninety-nine percent of my personality and thought processes...”

“...At least he stopped with the Obi-chan...”

“...but for some reason Obito still screws up my decision making and priorities! I don’t get it!”

At that moment, Tenzo spoke once again. “Senpai! Pakkun’s here! Orochimaru’s done!”

The fighting on both sides stopped, and a tense atmosphere settled as Kakashi flickered up to where Tenzo was waiting with a pug holding a vial delicately in it’s jaws. Tenzo handed the vial to Kakashi, who drank it in one sip and with a grimace.

“Bah, tastes, awful.” Kakashi blinked twice, and Obito could see Tenzo nervous and crossing his fingers. “Oh, wow. Reality check, that’s way better. I actually have functioning thoughts again. Ooh, this is nice. I missed this”

Tenzo breathed out a huge sigh of relief and collapsed on his back. “Finally, Senpai, you’re back.”

Kakashi clapped once dramatically. “Alright everybody, listen up. This is why I actually came here, before I got distracted.”

  
  
  


Forty-five minutes of horrifying monologue later, Kakashi was finally done. The five kage stared stunned at the silver-haired shinobi, who, seeing that he wasn’t going to be getting a reaction from his catatonic audience, shrugged and clasped his hands together.

The earth shook as great roots spread before Kakashi and an incomprehensibly large trunk rose behind Kakashi. Tenzo jumped off of his platform to the top of the tree and began laughing maniacally as he rose to untold heights in the air.

The other Kage were shocked into action. They exited the room in a rush, likely to try to rally their shinobi and intel to find Madara. Kakashi had mentioned at some point in his rant that it was the Mad Uchiha’s rinne-sharingan that was required to activate the Infinite Tsukuyomi in twenty-four hours when the God Tree had finished growing. Kakashi honestly didn’t really care. He was confident that Madara’s resting place was well-hidden enough to prevent discovery, and even if it wasn’t, then, well, Kakashi had plenty of time to stop them. For now…

  
  
  


Obito flinched as Kakashi appeared once again in front of him, henge dropped, and went stock-still as the bastard pulled him into a kiss. “Caught you.” 

Kakashi wore a feral grin, before his sharingan eye morphed and the world spun. His students were only a few yards away, but as they shouted his name Obito knew they would be too late.

 _I have twenty-four hours to change his mind_. And with that thought, a fiery determination, and a ferocious blush, Obito passed out.

**Author's Note:**

> Is this good? Probably not. I write snippets of larger AU stories that I'm too lazy to write and that I understand but no one else does, and oops now here we are. But I had fun writing it, and hope that at least some of you had fun reading it. Any feedback is always welcome!


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